Dreamforce 2023 saw an attendance of approximately 40,000 individuals, along with an overwhelming influx of acronyms and technical jargon that resembled a robotic foreign dialect more than anything else.
Consider Salesforce co-founder Parker Harris’ opening statement:
“As we embark on building that prompt, you’ll witness some remarkably advanced technology in action as we dynamically execute secure data retrieval from the CRM system within the data cloud. We’ll engage in dynamic grounding because our objective is to ensure this process remains highly pertinent when you utilize that LLM.”
Good luck fitting that on a T-shirt.
Patrick Stokes, a Salesforce marketing VP who delivered the event’s opening address on Tuesday, acknowledged, “Your head is probably spinning a little bit. We need to familiarize ourselves with these new terms to gain a better understanding of how it all functions.”
In our role as diligent interpreters of the perplexing, our reporters attempted to decipher the most peculiar Dreamforce merchandise available for purchase.
- “AI is my love language” T-shirt ($30) Are you someone who expresses love through gifts? Even so, we’d still hesitate to recommend this as an early Christmas present. Besides, as one of our colleagues recently discovered, dating an AI boyfriend doesn’t guarantee he won’t turn out to be a digital troublemaker.
- Cotopaxi reversible hoodie ($175) For those not in the loop, Cotopaxi is the preferred brand among tech enthusiasts these days—apologies, Patagucci.This branded hoodie clinched the title of the most expensive Dreamforce merchandise. Interestingly, the Salesforce logo printed on the arm apparently adds an extra $25 to the price compared to the same hoodie sold directly by the manufacturer. I suppose achieving data harmony is truly invaluable.
- “Just add CRM and sugar” mug ($24) You might desire a speckled cream mug for your hiking adventures, but you absolutely must let everyone know that you’re actually a coder, bro. Or, more precisely, a proficient user of a low-code sales platform. CRM stands for “customer relationship management,” essentially what Salesforce addresses with its software. Why it’s necessary to advertise this on a coffee cup remains a mystery only CRM professionals can decipher.
- “Old MacDonald had a farm, AI-AI-O” Onesie ($25) Old MacDonald had a farm, and all the babies on it mastered coding before they could even walk. Dress your little one in this onesie and feel the magic of generative AI coursing through their veins. Or something like that.
- “AI AI Captain” flat-billed hat ($30) For the tech-savvy sailors among us, Salesforce has introduced a navy blue flat-billed cap, complete with white rope detailing. Apparently, a significant number of Dreamforce attendees have a penchant for boating?
- “Searchable Log of All Conversation & Knowledge” baseball cap ($25) Did you know that Slack is actually an acronym representing this string of words? I didn’t either. What’s better than a tangible reminder that your work conversations are far from private?
Disclaimer: The views, suggestions, and opinions expressed here are the sole responsibility of the experts. No Atlas Story journalist was involved in the writing and production of this article.